The Art of Rock N Roll

Many people overlook the nuanced art of rock n roll, both within the songs*, and within the performance itself. Consider then: the set list. A good set list (or track listing**, for that matter) is a thing of beauty, complete with its own narrative arc of musical peaks and valleys that carry the audience through a complete cathartic hour-long rock n roll experience. But I realize that it's an art form that not many have mastered. And so this week on Five by Five Hundred, I've offered my assistance in a very public format. So you're welcome, Aspiring Rock Stars. Go forth, and make rock!

"Set List For A Washed Up Rock N Roll Band" on FiveByFiveHundred.com

*Perhaps another day I shall blog at length about the importance of the narrative arc in song arrangements as well, in which case I'll be mostly using Weezer's Blue Album as a perfect example.

**Foo Fighters' "The Colours & the Shapes" has the best non-concept album track listing ever. I'll fight you on it.

The Vindow Viper Is Coming

Busy week here at Thom Dunn industries (when is it now?) so I've shared an older piece for this week's Five By Five Hundred post. This one's inspired by a really terrible episode of the 80s GI JOE cartoon, and a homeless guy named Joe who lives in New Haven. Joe walks around New Haven with a bucket and a mop, and he offers to clean the windows on your building or your car in exchange for food or money. He firmly believes in working for his pay, and refuses to beg for money or take handouts from strangers -- because, if his story is to be believed, Joe used to be a drug dealer and a rapist and was thrown off the top of the New Haven Coliseum in a turf war and somehow survived through the graciousness of some mysterious benefactor who paid his medical bills and now he feels that he has to spend the rest of his life making up for his past mistakes. Or at least that's what he says. So I wrote this little piece about him; obviously it's a comedy.

"Viper" on FiveByFiveHundred.com

The Multiverse On Stage

Over at Tor.com, I talk about Nick Payne's Constellations, a play which I unfortunately have not seen, but one that I have read and would absolutely love to see. Except that maybe in the world of this simultaneous-multiverse-hopping-romance, I have actually seen the play somewhere. Plus every other parallel reality happening possible. It's kind of nuts, and kind of beautiful, but I describe it better over there, so check it out:

"SFF Onstage: Nick Payne's Constellations" on Tor Dot Com

Where Does Nick Fury Get All Those Wonderful Toys?

I recently read through the original Stan Lee - Jack Kirby (and later, all Jim Steranko all the time) run of Strange Tales: Nick Fury, Agent of SHIELD, which first introduced the cigar-chompin' one-eyed Nick-Fury-as-Super-Spy to the Marvel Universe. I'll be honest, I don't always love older comics because their hokey nature and heavy exposition, but these were some pretty awesome spy stories. And even better they were filled with some of the most unabashedly ridiculous spy gadgets imaginable. Everything was so over-the-top and psychedelic, and with absolute no regret or embarrassment about it. And so I shared a list of my Top 10 SHIELD toys over on Tor Dot Com, mostly hoping that Joss Whedon's now SHIELD TV series will feature every single one of them.

"Nick Fury And The Top Ten Toys of S.H.I.E.L.D." on Tor Dot Com

The Voice Of Our Generation

So, okay. Lena Dunham. That's all the Internet talks about anymore. And mostly for stupid reasons. GIRLS is an enjoyable show. Sure, it's got its flaws, but it always has some realistic depictions of a very particular group of people, all of whom I went to college with. But most of the debate around the show is -- in my humble opinion -- around all of the wrong issues (read: misogyny towards chubby exhibitionists). Let's face it, Lena Dunham is hardly the first privileged white kid to leverage Mom & Dad's wealth and success into her own career. I probably would have done the same thing, if I ever had the opportunity. And then there's Thought Catalog. I have plenty of friends who frequently for Thought Catalog, and almost every time I read something on that website (besides stuff by friends, obviously, because the whole point of this is that we're all hypocrites) I find myself consumed by anger towards the whiney narcissism of my generation. Every post is all trying to be deep and profound and whoa I made this brilliant realizations about being 22 now that I'm older and wiser at 24 and shut up.

Except that every time I read Thought Catalog, I'm like "Man, I totally get this. This is totally spot on." Which is probably why I'm so angry at it -- because it, like GIRLS, is totally cliched, and reminds us all of how cliched we are ourselves.

So, long story longer, this week's Five By Five Hundred post is all about that, except in some wacky stream-of-consciousness kind of a way (I mean, more than what I just wrote) because I have weird brain things.

(Also it now holds the record for our most popular post on 5x500! So, ya know, that's cool)

"A Catalog Of Thoughts; Or, Sorry Lena Dunham, But Our Generation Already Has A Voice" on FiveByFiveHundred.com

More Booze n' Books

Look, we all know that I love stories and drinking. This is no secret to anyone who's ever spoken to me for more than a minute. So naturally, I've got another article on the topic that's now live over at Quirk Books. Think of this as a kind of companion piece to my How To Drink Like Your Favorite Writer and A Guide To Pairing Your Comic Books and Beer posts. You liked those, right? Of course you did.

"Seven Cocktail Recipes & Drink Suggestions Inspired By Our Favorite Pieces Of Literature" at Quirk Books

The End

Okay, so clearly I've been working on lots of larger writing pieces, which has gotten in the way of my standard Five By Five Hundred writing. But hey, writing is writing, so here's another short excerpt from a piece I've been working, only this one is the very end of the story. So, ya know. Spoilers, sweetie.

"The End of The Story" on Five By Five Hundred

Quantum Fiction!

Here's a little excerpt from a story I've been working on in a few different mediums (I've shared a few other snippets, too, if you'd like to piece them together and figure it out...). It's science-y and physics-y and all timey-wimey, but hopefully it's at least a little bit enjoyable on its own!

"Quantum Physiology, or The Origins of Nonlinear Molecular Teleportation" on FiveByFiveHundred.com

Who Is That Masked Man Anyway?

I have a new superhero identity. I'm not really sure what my powers are, or if they'd be any use in a fight, but that doesn't matter. I've now experienced the quintessential Spider-Man-esque (RIP) traumatic formative moment, and there is no turning back.

Today on Five By Five Hundred, I reveal my deep secret, the true origin story of my new superheroic identity: Regular Wednesday Comic Book Buyer Guy. A true hero for the modern age.

Read ahead, if you can handle it.

"Origin Story" on FiveByFiveHundred.com

Ghosts of Boston

Here's a little excerpt from a larger piece of fiction I've been working on, posted over at Five By Five Hundred. It's completely out of context, but that's okay; I think it works alright on it's own.

"Back On The Streets" at FiveByFiveHundred.com

Mow That Lawn! Yeah!

Hey kids! Remember the '90s? Remember "virtual reality"? Remember Jeff Fahey? And mowing the lawn? Of course you do. In my latest piece for Tor.com, I take a look back at the 1992 film classic The Lawnmower Man to see just how well the evils of "VR" and dial-up modems still hold up today.

"Flowers For The Lawnmower Man" on Tor Dot Com

EPIC THEMES (and...some other stuff over there)

Jonathan Hickman is a comic book writer who has mostly taken over the two main AVENGERS books, and has also published a number of highly acclaimed creator-owned books that took remarkably innovative approaches to graphic narratives. But as much as I've enjoyed most of his work (especially his Secret Warriors which is one of my favorite Marvel series in recent years), I've noticed something...off...about his story telling (Red Mass For Mars and The Red Wing in particular both start off really cool and then...don't really go anywhere). Over at Tor.com, I've provided a detailed analysis of this strange narrative voice, but what it comes down to is that Hickman likes to explicitly tell his readers about his huge, epic, sweeping themes using marvelous spectacle and narrative devices. Then he finds a plot that works as an excuse for him to tell you about these themes and use these spectacles, and fills the plot in with characters, 'cause I guess you need those, too. And the theatre professional in me realized that this flies right in the face of Aristotle's POETICS, which have long formed the basis for our understanding of Western dramatic storytelling.

I'll let the rest of the article speak for itself:

"The Strange Poetics of Jonathan Hickman" on Tor Dot Com

Athbhliain Faoi Mhaise Dhaoibh!

(that's "Happy New Years" in Irish, 'natch)

It's a busy end to the Holiday Season, with back-to-back-to-back celebrations, but here's a quick update on some things. First, a little New Years poem I wrote over at Five By Five Hundred about 2012's significant lack of jetpacks. I also wrote a little blog / essay about my brain as a writer entitled "Less Talk, More Rock" for the Boston One Minute Play Festival, which is this coming weekend, January 5-7, at Boston Playwrights Theatre, and features two short plays that I wrote. I have very specifically avoided rehearsals, so I'm excited to see what's going to come out of the little bits of text I wrote. If you're interested but unavailable to make it to the show, the 8pm performance on Sunday, January 6 will be streamed live on HowlRound's NewPlay TV, so you can watch the whole thing from the comfort of your laptop.

That's all for now; see you in The Future!

Merry Christmas (Eve)!

I figure must people are busy spending time with their families (as they should be!), so here's a quick update for you to enjoy while you're in the bathroom or waiting for family to arrive or whatever. First, over on Five By Five Hundred, I whipped up a brief little parody piece after one of my own family's favorite traditions that I think everyone can enjoy -- "'Twas The Night Before Christmas Break."

And then there's this:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sDheBMWy7Ic]

You're welcome. Merry Christmas! (and equivalent non-Christian holiday greetings, of course)

Molesting a Metaphor

Just a quick update -- it's been a rather intense weekend for everyone. But here's my newest post on Five By Five Hundred, a quick little wordplay piece of prose that attempts to go too far on the idea of "molesting a metaphor" (based on a recent LitReactor.com article on how NOT to use a metaphor). I don't know, it just sounded fun. Enjoy!

"It's a Metaphor, Fool" on FiveByFiveHundred.com

Music To Soothe Your Jangled Innards

Quick update about a few events I've got coming up. One, I'll doing a show THIS Friday, December 14 at the All Asia in Central Square, Cambridge with my / Boston's premiere all-male hard rock Lady Gaga cover band Alejandro and the Fame. These shows are always a blast for everyone involved, and are almost always guaranteed to sell out, so make you get there (lookin' at you, People On The Other Side Of The River Who Missed Our Last Show Because It Was Allllllll The Way In JP Oh BooHoo). Admission is a scant $6, and we hit the stage around 10:30pm! I'm also excited to announce that I'll be performing a short set for MORTIFIED at Oberon on Saturday, December 22. For those who haven't heard of this, MORTIFIED is a night of performance in which real-live grown adult humans read horribly horribly embarrassing things from their high school journals / AIM transcripts / etc, and hilarity ensues. And so, during my set, you'll be treated to some particularly painful gems that I dugout from my high school and middle school songwriting notebooks. Ever wonder what kind of angsty tunes I wrote when I was 14 (including "Dot of my 'I'" and instant never-classic "Fuck You Hotchkiss Lane")? Here's your only chance to hear them live! More information to come when I got it.

And finally, I was asked to write up a few scripts for the 2nd Annual Boston One-Minute Play Festival at the Boston Playwrights Theatre, January 5-7. I believe the evening as a whole contains about 100 one-minute plays (yes, really, but c'mon, that's barely an hour and a half!), so I'm sure there's going to be some great variety. And if you don't like a play, well, just wait one minute! I will say that writing a play, complete with a status quo, conflict, rising action,and denouement is remarkably more difficult than you might expect it to be, but I'm pretty pleased with what I came up with (and I should be blogging a bit more about it soon over at their website).

That's all for now, folks! See you Friday!

Holiday Special

Today on Five By Five Hundred, I decided to kick off our celebration and excitement for the upcoming holiday season. No, not Christmas; I mean the end of the world! With only 12 days left until the supposed Mayan Apocalypse / World Shift / New Age / Another Boring Saturday Where Nothing Significant Actually Happens Or Changes, I decided to tweak one of your perennial holiday favorites and update it for the times. Enjoy!

"The 12 Days Of Apocalypse" on FiveByFiveHundred.com

ALSO! In case you don't already follow the rest of the daily exploits on 5x500 without me telling you (for some bizarre reason I don't know why you wouldn't), we are currently taking submissions for a new weekly contributor to join us on Sundays! Follow link to learn all about the necessary submission information in handy haiku form. All we ask is that you post a new something every Sunday in keeping with the theme of the website. "What's the theme of the website?" you ask, like some fool who hasn't even been paying attention. "Glad you asked!" I respond through gritted teeth. I pause for a moment as I hiss in my breath and explain that the only criteria is that must write something and that it must be under 500 words. Poetry, prose, scripts, rants, memoirs, serial fiction, serial murders -- whatever, it doesn't matter, just as long as it's under 500 words. Simple enough, right?

If you think you have what it takes, check out our submission guidelines. We look forward to hearing from you!

The Truth About Thom Dunn: Revealed!

I think when most people meet me for the first time, they get a pretty good read at who I am, and nearly all of them leave this first encounter with an awareness of most, if not all, of these essential Thom Dunn truths:

• I really like comic books
• I really like beer
• I really like being awesome
• I am awesome
• I really like being Irish
• I have much better taste in music than you, and if I don't, I will gladly engage in friendly albeit heated debate with you about it
• I really, really hate Journey

Most of these facts require very little explanation, but it's the last one that does occasionally lead to controversy.

I've decided that it's time for me to set the record straight once and for all, and explain myself to the Internets.

But keep in mind that the truth can sometimes be a bitter pill to swallow. I think I might be mixing metaphors there, but I don't care. You have been warned.

"Why I Hate Journey (the band)" on FiveByFiveHundred.com

Timey-Wimey Stuff

And here's another new article I wrote for the fine folks at Quirk Books about one of my favorite things in the entire world: time travel paradoxes. Time to make your head spin!

"Classic Time Travel Paradoxes (and how to avoid them)" at Quirk Books