Reflections on my trip to the Paris Climate Accord now that Trump screwed us (again) →

June 1, 2017

Simply put, there aren’t enough #MAGA hats to replace health, diplomacy, or natural resources. And that’s why the Paris Climate Deal matters.

Let’s Think About This From Comey’s Point-of-View For A Second →

May 26, 2017

The storyteller in me is always interested in what goes on in other people’s heads. There are various cliches about how every villain is a hero in their own story, and I generally think that’s true — both in fiction, and in real life.

And as more and more information comes out about the whole Russia-Trump-Comey-Hillary-Email-Clusterfuck, I think it’s important for us all to remember that these are actual human beings, who, like all of us, are often forced to make decisions with limited time and with even more limited information, and that sometimes, they get it wrong.

(Except for Trump, obviously; he’s little more than a spoiled chaos demonbaby in the middle of his greatest tantrum yet.)

So instead of arguing about conspiracies and fake news and hypocritical firings or whatever petty satisfaction the Internet is feeding on right now, put yourself in Comey’s shoes, circa June 2016.

The Ballad of Bad Hombre Man & Queen Nasty Woman

October 20, 2016

He rode out at dawn
And he headed west:
The Bad Hombre Man
from the Yuge Land of Best

But when he arrived
she was already there:
The Queen Nasty Woman
mounted on her white mare.

They both drew their guns
packed with bullets of words.
Hers were sharp, smart, and clear;
His: the best that he'd heard.

Now I’ll clarify
this for those unaware:
Yes, she’s fine with guns
When they’re not everywhere.

Now back to their duel
in that desert, noon high.
Where Queen Nasty Woman
brought Bad Hombre to die.

For when she took aim
with her practice and plans
she sniped his small gun
from his small grabby hands

To that Bad Hombre Man
from the Best Land of Yuge,
It had never occurred
he could possibly lose

But he slipped from his saddle
and fell flat in the dirt
He was frantic to find
some new way he could hurt

that there Queen Nasty Woman
mounted high on her steed
laying traps all around
everywhere he might lead

Leaving Bad Hombre Man
with no pussy to grab
For the sword ‘tween his legs
was all he knew how to stab

And so Queen Nasty Woman
Turned her mare and she rode
towards that house, White and fair
to once more be her home

Was George Washington Actually Transgender?

February 16, 2015

...No, probably not, because this is clearly just a political smear campaign, but still. I guess it's nice then that whoever wrote this piece of propaganda was kind enough to misgender him at least. That's something, right?

A discovery has been made on this continent that will astonish the whole world. Our great and excellent General Washington is actually discovered to be of the female sex. This important secret was revealed by the lady who lived with the General as a wife these 30 years, and died the 6th instant at the General's seat in Virginia, to the Clergyman who attended her.

What is extraordinary, the last knew his circumstance previous to the ceremony of marriage, and both agreed to live together from motives of the most refined friendship. Perhaps there are fewer influences in female nature of such rigid charity than of manly fortitude.

Anyway, happy (almost) birthday, Mr. President. Er, can I say that?

An America / Universe / 12 Colonies / Other Fictional World That We Can Believe In

September 20, 2012

Judging by Facebook feed, we are now officially in the throes of Election Season. Which is kind of like mating season for most animals, but with more blood, and more assholes. And so to lighten to the mood (read: FURTHER contribute to the orgy of political posts that are currently consuming all of your various news outlets and social feeds), I've compiled a list for Tor Dot Com of my preferred third party options in the 2012 Presidential Election. This whole two-party system is whack, anyway; when do I get to vote for the Jedi Council?